


Accidentally on purpose

by romanogersotp



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Cheating, F/M, Love, Romance, Staron - Freeform, Steveiskindastupid, reallybadlovetriangle, romanogers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-08-27 17:19:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 21,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8410084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanogersotp/pseuds/romanogersotp
Summary: “We can’t keep doing this.” “Then why don’t you stop?”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of any characters used.
> 
> I may or may not have been a bit inspired by the movie “Match point”.  
> Enjoy. ;)

 

_Someone told me stay away from things that aren’t yours,_

_but was he yours if he wanted me so bad?_

 

Natasha Romanoff wasn’t one for dating and not that many people would be surprised by that. With her past, a personality that always seems to change depending on the circumstances and with her job, it isn’t that very easy to date like a _normal_ person. It would be an understatement to call her complicated. Relationships just wasn’t her thing. Besides, she had no problem being on her own. She had been for most of her life and was used to it. Finding a guy to date wouldn’t be that hard though. She could just take one step into a bar before most of the men started drooling over her which she nowadays found more tiring and disgusting than flattering. She could basically choose any man out of the crowd and they’d happily do whatever she felt like doing. And what she felt like doing was not dating because that was her problem. Keeping a guy around never worked out. It was either a one night stand or nothing at all. Natasha is not the type of woman to let someone in easily, which is extremely understandable. Who can you possibly trust with so many dark secrets? If you can’t trust yourself to keep them quiet, don’t expect anyone else to.

Steve Rogers on the other hand was one for dating and that’s what he had been doing for quite a while now. He and Sharon Carter had been together for a few years. It was an alright relationship, Steve thought. He loved Sharon deeply. How could he not? She had most good qualities a guy could barely dream of. _She_ was simply amazing. Their _relationship_ , most often, was not. After being together for such a long time, what had been exciting and new slowly fades as it does in most relationships. It wasn’t something Steve didn’t expect to happen. He just felt like something was missing. Something felt empty. Not only did he have that feeling most of the time but they also fought about everything. Every little _damn_ thing. It drove him crazy. Unfortunately, it wasn’t one of those relationships were these fights ended in steamy kisses, but in annoying and tiring conversations before Sharon usually went to bed way too early. Steve knew that he was lucky to be with someone like Sharon, but sometimes, it just felt as if something was missing or that he was on the wrong track. These thoughts often confused him and he tried ignoring it, but it was hard as the feeling was not easy to ignore.

This night was as many other nights. Sharon and Steve managed to get into a fight over the smallest thing. It all started with Steve getting home late for dinner after work which of course had made Sharon a bit annoyed. Then as usual, they started arguing about that and it turned into worse and worse subjects. Both of them usually brought up things that didn’t even have to do with the conversation which made them both more upset and this is how it continued. Sharon raised her voice at Steve as he just shook his head, looking down at his plate that was half stuffed with vegetables when he preferred to eat more of the carbs. He hummed annoyed at everything she said while he played with his food on the plate. Sharon got furious over the fact that he almost ignored the conversation, which he honestly did. After a good hour of fighting, Steve usually had enough and needed to clear his mind. He always went for a walk to wrap his head around their unnecessary fights and it didn’t take long until he decided to get himself together and go back home to apologise. Tonight, however, he was tired of always having to be the one to admit his mistakes when he didn’t think he had done much wrong at all. He was barely late home for dinner anyway. She was the one with the bad temper and tired mind. Steve grabbed his coat and slammed the door shut as he left their apartment.

It was really dark outside and the air was cold. It had the typical smell of winter even though winter wasn’t even around the corner since it was in the middle of October. He wrapped his jacket a little tighter around his body and walked with heavy but quick steps forwards. He didn’t know where to, but he just continued walking. In these cases, working out often helped. Especially running. He’d run for hours just to clear the thoughts from his mind, but he didn’t feel like doing that on this late hour. After walking for a good while, he walked past a bar and decided that he could just as well sit down a bit and think. Since walking didn’t help, maybe he just needed to relax. He got into the comfortably warm bar and sat down on the first free chair he saw before ordering a beer. Not that alcohol helped him at all since he couldn’t get drunk, but at least he could pretend to be able to drink away his troubles.

"Rogers!” A very familiar voice suddenly said.

Steve turned around a bit only to see Natasha, dressed in a tight black dress and high heels, give him a smirk. Steve raised his brows a bit surprised to see her there and smiled as she approached him.

“What are you doing alone in a bar?” Natasha asked.

Her voice was a little more chipper than usual so Steve assumed she had had a bit to drink. Still though, Natasha didn’t get drunk easily so her mind was still clear enough to see that something was troubling her close friend. Steve looked around a bit as he thought of her question before facing Natasha again who sat down on the chair next to him.

“You don’t seem to have any company yourself.” Steve answered.

Natasha raised an eyebrow.

“Well, they disappeared on me.” She said.

Steve nodded a bit before taking a sip of his beer. Natasha studied her friend as thoughts clearly flew around inside his mind like a thunderstorm. She and Steve had been really close friends for years and she trusted no one as much as she trusted him, except for Clint.

“Tell me, what’s troubling you?”

The bartender put down a drink in front of Natasha which she clearly hadn’t ordered. She took a sip without letting her eyes leave Steve’s.

“I’ve just had one of the usual fights with Sharon. They always seem to become more serious even though there’s nothing serious we’re fighting over, you know?” Steve said, frowning a bit as he thought of it.

Natasha smiled.

“Maybe she’s mad because you haven’t proposed yet?” She suggested.

Steve chuckled lightly.

“What’s it been? Three years? I would be annoyed by you too.” Natasha said.

She was grinning a little as Steve just smiled.

“I’m not even sure about the marriage thing.”

Natasha looked at him a bit surprised.

“Really? I always thought you’d jump into a marriage the first time you got the chance.” Natasha said.

Steve looked down at the bottle in his hands.

“Yeah.. I just want it to feel right.” Steve said, making Natasha frown.

“Are you saying you aren’t happy with Sharon? Because if that’s the case, there’s a line of women waiting to date you, Rogers.” Natasha said, forcing out another smile on Steve’s lips.

“I’m happy with Sharon, I guess. I just thought that when you found the one, you’d be absolutely certain.”

Natasha hummed a bit at that.

“Mhm.. I don’t think it’s ever that easy.” She said, before biting her lower lip a bit as she thought about it.

Steve had to stop himself from staring at her lips so much, but she made it extremely hard for him to stop just that. He sighed a bit, raising his eyebrows a little quickly.

“I sometimes just wish it would be different.” Steve said.

Natasha dragged her hand through her red hair before glancing at him again.

“Different how?” She asked softly, looking into his clear blue eyes.

Steve almost got a bit dizzy by her intense eye contact and he found himself stumbling over his many thoughts.

“I’m not sure.. Just different.”

Natasha kept staring at him, before her eyes suddenly went down to his lips for a good while. Steve noticed and did what any man would have done if they had the chance. He simply cupped her cheek before giving her a soft kiss. Natasha was a bit surprised but kissed him back deeper, making Steve feel the taste of alcohol on her lips. Neither of them were sure of what they were doing, but it sure felt _different_.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of any characters used.

 

_Ooh, honey do you want me now?_

_Can't take it anymore, need to put you to bed._

 

Steve pressed his lips against Natasha’s one more time before Natasha pulled away a bit as a frown had formed on her face.

“This isn’t right.” Natasha said quietly.

Steve looked into her eyes before his hand left her cheek.

“I’m sorry.” Steve said.

He shook his head a bit. Natasha sat up a little straighter and took another sip of her drink before glancing over at Steve again. She didn’t understand what had made him kiss her. Did he feel attracted to her too? She sure had been feeling a deep attraction to Steve for years, but she let it be. The thought of Steve wanting to be more than friends didn’t make sense in Natasha’s mind. Besides, it could really ruin their friendship and he’s with _Sharon_. Natasha did definitely not want to be the other woman. It wasn’t just the fact that she really respected Sharon, but she also found the act terribly wrong. Let’s just say her past had taught her a thing or two and she was definitely not going back to being that kind of person again. It was such a strange feeling though. As soon as Steve’s lips had left hers, she desperately wanted to kiss him again. She was just thankful she hadn’t been drinking _that_ much. 

“I better go.” Natasha said, giving him a small smile.

She grabbed her coat on the chair next to hers, putting it on.

“You should go home to Sharon.”

She put her hand on Steve’s shoulder. Steve gave her a quick glance before he nodded. Natasha’s hand left his shoulder and she disappeared out of the bar into the cold night air.

Steve stayed for a while longer in the bar, sighing now and then at his stupid behaviour. He didn’t just kiss any girl, he kissed _Natasha_. His best friend. But that wasn’t even the worst part. The worst part was that he liked it and that he wanted more. He wanted _her_. Steve desperately tried convincing himself that it was because of the fact that it was indeed Natasha Romanoff. How many men hadn’t fallen to her feet or been too caught up in the moment to not think straight? He almost chuckled at how pathetic it all sounded in his head. He had been able not to kiss her for years, so that wasn’t an excuse. He wasn’t even sure there existed a proper excuse, only him being an asshole. Steve eventually paid for his beer before walking out of the bar to face reality again. Instead of reality, he was faced by a red headed woman standing down the street.

Steve raised his eyebrows in a surprised but excited expression as he realised she hadn’t left yet. Natasha looked straight forward into the air and hadn’t noticed him yet. She pulled her coat around her body tighter even though it wouldn’t help towards the cold air at all. She suddenly turned around a bit, hearing someone walk behind her, as her hair fell over her shoulder. Natasha shook her head a little as Steve walked up to her.

“I’m not even sure why I stayed..” Natasha began as she looked at him.

She didn’t have time to finish the sentence as Steve’s lips found hers again. Natasha’s hand went around Steve’s neck, pulling him closer as Steve grabbed her tightly by the waist. By every second that passed by, the kisses became deeper and more intense. Natasha was a little out of breath as she pulled away just a little bit from his lips, looking into his eyes.

“We can’t keep doing this.” She said before pressing her lips onto his again.

“Then why don’t you stop?” Steve asked against her lips.

Natasha and Steve paused the kisses for a few seconds, just staring into the other’s eyes before they grabbed each other tighter and returned to the passionate kisses.

Somehow, at some time, they managed to get to Natasha’s place. As soon as Natasha had unlocked the door, Steve pushed them into her apartment as his hands got a hold of her coat, dragging it off and letting it fall to the floor. His hands travelled over her black dress down her waist. Natasha felt a shiver down her spine by his touch and she let her quick hands undress him as fast as she managed between the passionate kisses. She brought him to her bedroom where Steve unzipped Natasha’s dress as he kissed her neck softly, gently sucking a little on her skin. Natasha helped getting her dress off before turning around to face Steve again, dragging off his shirt. She pressed herself against him, feeling his skin against her own drive her mad. Steve’s mind was filled with lust as he kissed Natasha again before putting her down on the bed. Her soft skin under his fingertips and her tongue with a slight taste of cheap alcohol cast a spell on him. He didn’t think about the consequences and didn’t even remember the fact that this wasn’t the right thing to do. He had his entire life done what was right, and now, he didn’t even question it. He simply couldn’t _stop_. It was something about the moment. Something about _her_. Natasha’s mind got dizzy by Steve’s gentle but passionate touches and by the way his lips travelled onto her neck again. It felt so good. So right. But it was so wrong. Steve traced the kisses down her collarbone as Natasha realised that she wouldn’t be able to stay away from him. She simply couldn’t _stop_.

Steve woke up the next morning with his arms tightly around Natasha. Before he even opened his eyes, he placed small kisses on her neck right before he could smell her perfume. He slowly opened his eyes, realising it was a sleeping redhead in his arms and not Sharon. His actual girlfriend. Steve carefully pulled away from Natasha as curses ran through his head. He sat up on the other side of the bed and glanced over at Natasha. She was still peacefully asleep. Her bare back was facing him and her soft red hair spread out over the white pillow, almost making it glow in the early morning sun that slipped in through the window of Natasha’s apartment. A sigh slipped between Steve’s lips as he looked at her outstanding beauty. A sudden buzzing sound was heard from across the room and a curse escaped Steve’s mouth as he quickly put on his boxers before running to get his phone. Natasha woke up immediately at the sound and dragged up the cover to shield her body as soon as she saw Steve. “Oh my god.” Natasha mumbled as Steve kept cursing while looking down at his phone in his hands, seeing that it was Sharon who called.

“It’s Sharon.” He said.

He looked over at Natasha who watched him with wide eyes.

“We shouldn’t have done this.” Natasha said.

She shook her head as disappointment over herself fell onto her back.

“I can’t answer.. I don’t know what..” Steve started mumbling, putting his hand to his head.

“We had both been drinking. I barley remember what..” Natasha started but Steve interrupted her.

“I had one beer, and you know I can’t get drunk.”

Steve grabbed his jeans, quickly putting them on. Natasha sighed, dragging her hand through her hair as Steve got dressed.

“This didn’t happen, Steve. You have to lie.”

Natasha's voice was so serious it made Steve look over at her.

“I-I have to go.” Steve said.

He stood still for a while, just looking at Natasha who frowned a little as he didn’t actually leave.

“Steve, go.”

Steve nodded.

“I’m sorry.”

Natasha laid down on the bed again as she heard Steve shut her front door. She put her hand on her forehead, sighing deeply as more and more memories of last night slipped into her mind causing her to get a very uncomfortable headache.

Steve literally ran home and the moment he stepped through the front door, he saw Sharon sitting on the couch. She stood up, putting her hands on her waist.

“Where the hell have you been all night?”

Her entire face showing anger and confusion.

“I’m sorry. I went for a walk and stopped at Tony’s to just say hi and eventually fell asleep on his couch.”

Steve approached Sharon slowly.

“You should have called! I was worrying sick all night.”

Steve nodded.

“Yeah, I know. I know.”

He looked down at the ground a bit as he reached her.

"I’m really sorry.”

He gently grabbed Sharon’s hands from her waist.

“And I’m sorry for last night. It was stupid.”

Sharon sighed at his words, looking down at her feet while doing so.

“Are we okay? Please say we’re okay.” Steve added softly.

Sharon rolled her eyes before giving him a soft kiss.

“You drive me insane.” She mumbled.

She wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. Steve embraced her, holding her tightly but all that was running through his mind was how her waist didn’t feel as good anymore. How her tight hug that usually calmed him down so much felt a little bizarre. All he could think about was another woman’s waist and another woman’s embrace. He wasn’t just driving Sharon insane, he was driving himself insane.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of any characters used.

 

_Do you like my cookies? They're made just for you._

_A little bit of sugar, but lots of poison too._

 

The morning Steve had left Natasha’s apartment to run home to his girlfriend, Natasha made the decision to stay away from Steve for a while. She didn’t trust herself anymore, especially not while being around Steve. She simply felt awful for what she had done but decided to put that far away in the back of her head and focus on more important things. Important things being her job. There was only one problem in that though. A certain super soldier worked at the same place and not only the same place, but as her partner. Natasha and Steve had been assigned as partners years ago which is one of the reasons to why they became close friends. They’ve saved each other’s lives countless of times and fought alongside each other so long that they pretty much knew exactly how the other one fought and protected themselves. If Steve had been a book, then Natasha would have read it over 100 times by now. There wasn’t many things she didn’t know about him, and he knew too much about her as well. Enough to be able to hurt her at least, and not many people had the power to do that.

Staying away from Steve was therefore not as easy as Natasha wished, or not wished. She was a bit confused over what she actually wanted, except for Steve’s touch and Steve’s lips, because that was something she couldn’t keep her mind off. Even during missions when she was meant to focus on what to do, her mind always travelled somewhere else. Natasha did however manage to keep her distance from Steve as much as possible. There was however one mission that ruined it all. It was a pretty simple one. Take out a few bad guys, get some information, then leave. Nothing they hadn’t done before. Natasha was fighting a few men that obviously didn’t stand a chance against her, but Natasha’s mind was somewhere else and she simply didn’t realise the two men approaching behind her. Steve ran up to her just in time and protected both of them with his shield as bullets started firing their way. Natasha quickly pulled her gun, firing back as Steve dragged her with him behind the shield. Steve pinned Natasha against a wall of a back building as he slowly peeked out to see if the men was approaching them, but both of them had fallen to the ground by Natasha’s bullets.

“It’s fine. I had them.” Natasha said.

She desperately tried to ignore the tension between them as Steve stood so close.

“Yeah, right.” Steve said, looking at her.

One of Steve’s hands still grabbed tightly around Natasha’s arm as she was still pressed against the stone wall. Natasha’s eyes tried to focus on anything else but on Steve’s while his eyes desperately searched for hers. Once Natasha’s green eyes met Steve’s blue, they knew they were screwed. Steve dropped his shield to the ground as he basically attacked Natasha’s lips. She kissed him back, wrapping her arms around him, pressing him closer. This time, neither of them interrupted it all to say that it was wrong or that they should stop. Simply because it didn’t feel _wrong_ and because they didn’t want to _stop_. Therefore, they simply continued the act. Steve’s hands travelled tightly over Natasha’s cat suit, desperately wanting to feel the skin under it as she wanted just the same. They didn’t actually stop until Natasha realised that they were on a mission and that this was extremely _unprofessional,_ and Natasha didn’t do _unprofessional_. She pushed away Steve a bit, gave him a glance before hurrying away to finish the mission. Steve grabbed his shield before following her.

After that mission, they simply couldn’t resist each other even though they both really tried. Both of them kept their distance but managed to bump into each other _everywhere_. It was as if God was playing them a prank. Natasha had been attending a few meetings and simply waited for the elevator to arrive at her floor. As it did and as the doors opened, a quiet “shit” slipped between her lips as she saw Steve in front of her. He raised his eyebrows, surprised to see her.

“Rogers.” She said.

She walked inside, standing a few feet away from him.

“Romanoff.” He answered.

Natasha pressed the button to take her to the right floor, giving him a glance. It didn’t take long until there was no space between the two of them at all. Natasha simply pressed the stop button, giving her lots of time to make sure that the first time Steve ever had sex in an elevator would be amazing. Which it was, of course. It also gave the man responsible over the security tapes quite a shock as he looked through them later that day. Steve and Natasha may be many things, but careful wasn’t one of them.

This is how it continued for weeks. Natasha went earlier than usual to the training hall in the Avengers facility to work out before anyone else arrived, only to meet Steve there which ended in a whole lot of steamy kisses and shower sex. They even met while Steve was out running only to see Natasha pass by on the other side of the street. Once, they even bumped into each other in the grocery store even though they live pretty far away from each other with different grocery stores closer to their apartments. It all almost seemed ridiculously convenient. Steve felt awfully bad and ashamed of himself each time he had been with Natasha. He loved Sharon a lot. He didn’t want to hurt her nor be unfaithful to her. But there was something about that spy that drove him crazy. Something that made him long for more and more. It was never enough. He also loved the excitement and the new world that Natasha opened up for him. The desire and deep attraction to just have Natasha right there and then had never occurred between him and Sharon. There was so much passion between Natasha and Steve. More than either of them was used to, and definitely more than they were used to handle.

All Steve’s regret and feelings of shame always disappeared whenever he was with Natasha. As soon as he saw her, it all disappeared and she was the only thing on his mind. Her red hair, beautiful green eyes and stunning body. After so many times of occasional meetings and unplanned steamy moments, they soon became _planned_.

“Hey there, soldier.” Natasha said when Steve stood in the doorway to her apartment.

He gave her a boyish grin and Natasha raised an eyebrow.

“Hey beautiful.” Steve answered, forcing out a smile on Natasha’s lips before she jumped up in his embrace.

Steve wrapped his arms tightly around her, kissing her passionately. Natasha’s hands went up in Steve’s hair and around his neck, making sure the kisses didn’t stop. Her legs wrapped around his waist and Steve closed the door after him before focusing on the redheads deep kisses. As usual, they ended up naked and sweaty in Natasha’s bed after exploring each other’s bodies as much and long as possible. Steve kissed Natasha’s lower lip before his lips travelled down her cheek to her neck. Steve continued placing small kissed between her breasts and down to her stomach as his big hands were holding her waist.

“I love this.” Steve murmured against her soft skin.

Natasha smiled a bit as she looked at him.

“You need to get going, or you’ll be late.”

She received a small groan from Steve. His lips soon found Natasha’s again and she kissed him back hard and deep. She wasn’t sure why, but she wanted her kisses to be on his mind. Natasha wasn’t really overjoyed by the fact that Steve was going home to his girlfriend, which made her sort of selfish. She was after all the one doing the wrong thing, not Sharon. Still, she wanted Steve to remember her kisses though she wasn’t sure why. Steve got dressed and Natasha grabbed one of her silk robes, putting it on. She then followed Steve to the door.

“I’ll miss you.” Steve said.

Natasha gave him a small smile before kissing him one last time. She made sure to make it deep and passionate, twisting her tongue with his and leaving Steve’s mind a little dizzy as she pulled away.

“Bye, soldier.”

Natasha grinned and Steve smiled back at her before leaving her apartment.

As Steve walked into his and Sharon’s apartment, it was clear to Sharon that Steve’s mind was somewhere else. She smiled at him.

“You’re early.”

Steve looked up at her almost as if he had forgotten she lived there too.

“Busy at work today?” Sharon asked and Steve nodded, embracing her in a hug.

“Yeah, like always.” He said and Sharon nodded.

“How was your day?” Steve asked softly with his arms around Sharon’s waist.

“Busy.”

Her hands cupped his cheeks.

“What do you say about us skipping dinner and do something else today?”

She gave him a few soft kisses.

“It’s been a while after all..” She mumbled against Steve’s lips.

Steve hesitated a little, but knew she was right. Well, it had been a while for her, not for him. So he did what anyone would had done, he wrapped her closer and kissed her deeper. Though while he did that, he became a little frustrated. While kissing Sharon’s lips, he simply couldn’t help but imagine how different it felt kissing Natasha’s lips.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of any characters used.

_Your skin is warm like an oven_

_Your kiss is sugary sweet_

_Your fingers feel like cotton_

_When you put your arms around me_

Natasha and Steve were heading home after a long day with a pretty intense mission that they, of course, finished perfectly. Steve followed Natasha home as usual before he later that day headed home to Sharon. It all had turned into a pattern. A pattern neither Steve nor Natasha even noticed. They were so focused on all the time they spent together that they didn’t even think about anything but to get as much time together as possible. Every minute felt precious. They stepped out of Natasha’s car and was walking towards her apartment as Steve grabbed her hand, stopping near the street. Natasha looked back at him, raising her eyebrows in a confused expression as she looked at him.

“What is it?”

Steve had a curious expression on his face.

“Why don’t we grab something to eat instead?” He asked.

He received an even more surprised expression from Natasha.

“Something to eat? Weren’t you supposed to have dinner with Sharon later?”

Steve nodded.

“Yeah, but I’ll tell her I have to stay at work.”

Natasha frowned a little.

“Are you sure?” She asked, earning another confident nod from Steve.

“Yeah.” He smiled.

Natasha looked down at her hand, realising he was still holding it which made her a bit uncomfortable. Steve noticed and let go, still smiling.

“You wanna go?”

Natasha nodded.

“Alright.”

They decided to walk to a restaurant not that far away from Natasha’s place, giving them both some time to think and actually _talk_. If there was one thing they hadn’t done much of, it was talking. Natasha had an extremely hard time to understand why he asked her to go out and eat when they, at the moment, could be doing something completely different. Still, there they were, walking close together towards one of Natasha’s favourite restaurants only a few blocks away.

“I got a question.” Steve said.

Natasha raised an eyebrow, looking at him.

“Oh really? What’s the question?”

“Do you have any hobbies? Besides work, I mean.” Steve said, earning a laugh from Natasha.

“Are you really asking me about my _hobbies_?”

She gave him a playful smile and Steve nodded.

“Yeah.”

Natasha frowned a bit at his seriousness.

“Well, I work.”

Steve chuckled.

“I said besides work.”

He looked at Natasha’s now thoughtful face as they walked.

“I work out.”

Natasha looked back at Steve quickly before looking straight forward again.

“Obviously.” Steve said, earning a smirk from Natasha when Steve made a small hand gesture towards her body.

“What else?” He asked.

“Why do you want to know?” Natasha asked, a bit more serious.

“Because I don’t know your hobbies. You’re my.. _best friend_ and have been for years. I just thought you’d trust me enough with your hobbies at least?”

He was smiling a bit as he spoke the last part of the sentence.

“I do trust you.”

“Prove it then.”

Natasha was quiet for a little while before looking at Steve again.

“I read a lot. I go out drinking or... just stay home drinking.”

Natasha let out a sad laugh at the last part.

“That’s it?”

“Believe it or not, Rogers. My life isn’t as interesting and as exciting as most may believe.”

Steve understood immediately what she meant. How many people hadn’t sometimes wished they were Captain America? What they forget is that beneath that suit is just a broken man. It’s the same but worse with the great Black Widow.

“There’s a reason to why people like me are good at their jobs.”

“People like you?”

Natasha smiled at him.

“Lonely people. We got nothing else to do apparently.”

“You’re not lonely. You have…” Steve began only to be interrupted by Natasha.

“I have you?”

Natasha was still smiling though her smile had gotten a sad shade. Steve nodded. Natasha sighed a bit as they continued walking.

“Everyone always has someone better. Someone more important.”

Steve shook his head.

“I’m not sure that’s true.”

“That’s because you have people. Though it’s my fault really. I chose to be alone. I just didn’t realise it would mean I’d be alone forever.”

Steve frowned.

“You won’t be alone _forever_.”

“I’d like to believe that, but patterns are patterns for reason. My pattern never seems to break.”

“I’ll break it for you.”

Natasha laughed.

“And how are you planning to do that, Rogers?”

Steve knew she was right, he was with Sharon. He couldn’t make Natasha feel less lonely, only as a friend. Though he wanted to. He wanted her to have someone. Someone who loved her for everything that she is. He just wasn’t sure he was the person for the job. They both stayed quiet for a while before a small smile was shown on Steve’s lips.

“What about your favourite colour?”

Natasha raised her eyebrow.

“That’s stepping over the line, Rogers.”

Steve chuckled.

 

Steve and Natasha had a very nice dinner at the restaurant. It had always been easy to keep the conversation going between the two of them. Even when they first met. There was always something to say, and if it somehow wasn’t, neither of them was bothered by the silence. Steve and Natasha was in the middle of a conversation about work as an older woman sitting by the table next to theirs leaned over a bit.

“Aren’t you two a lovely couple?”

The lady smiled brightly, showing off a few crooked teeth. Steve’s eyes widened a bit while Natasha just smiled.

“Oh no. We’re not a couple.” Natasha answered.

The old woman laughed a little, looking over at the man that sat next to her. She took his hand, shaking her head as the man smiled.

“We’ve been married for over 20 years. We know _love_ when we see it, sweetheart.” The old man told Natasha who laughed at how uncomfortable Steve suddenly looked.

“Congratulations to you two, but I assure you, Steve and I are _just friends_.” Natasha said nicely to the old couple who still wasn’t convinced.

“We’ll see about that.” The old lady said.

“No, Natasha’s right. I actually have a girlfriend.” Steve managed to say.

The old man laughed and somehow coughed at the same time.

“And still here you are, drinking expensive wine with an extremely beautiful woman! As my lady said, we’ll see about that.”

Steve blushed almost immediately. The couple turned away from Steve and Natasha.

“Ignore them.”

Natasha chuckled at Steve.

“It’s fun to think about though.” Natasha suddenly said.

Steve got a little nervous.

“What?”

“That you’re actually older than those two.”

Natasha grinned.

“Oh, shut up.” 

Steve simply couldn't help but to let a smile form on his lips.

 

“Well, thank you for the dinner.”

They had gotten back to her apartment a few hours later. Both of them stood by Natasha’s front door in the hallway of the apartment building.

“It’s nothing.”

Natasha smiled a little. Steve always appreciated every smile he saw on Natasha’s lips. She wasn’t one for smiling a lot usually, so when she did, Steve tried to remember every detail of that beautiful smile.

“You wanna come in?”

Natasha brought out her keys and unlocking the door. Steve sighed a bit, looking down at his feet.

“I probably shouldn’t.”

Natasha nodded.

“We shouldn’t have done a lot of things."

Steve looked up, meeting her green eyes.

“I don’t want this to get even more difficult.”

Natasha had a hard time understanding what he meant.

“You should go then.” Natasha said softly.

“Yeah.”

Natasha was just about to take a step into her apartment as Steve grabbed her hand. Natasha looked back at him, into the pair of blue ocean eyes.

“But I really don’t want to.”

Natasha took a step closer to him before slowly leaning in for a kiss. She took her time, just being close enough so that their lips was just inches from touching before she finished it by pressing her lips to his.

Steve gently embraced her, letting his hands travel over her waist and onto her back as Natasha’s arms surrounded his neck. Natasha was surprised by how gently Steve kissed her back and how he suddenly held her so carefully. It was somehow different. The earlier times had gone so quick. It was a matter of seconds before both of their clothes were thrown off on the floor. It had been so much desire and desperation to feel and touch each other that they didn’t even have time to think. Now, the desire and desperation was still there, but as well as something more. Earlier, neither of them had barely had enough time to realise what they were actually doing, but now, it became more real than ever. As Steve gave Natasha another soft kiss, she pulled away a little from his lips, looking down at the ground. It all felt so real that Natasha almost got scared. He kissed her _too_ softly and he touched her _too_ gently. This was something unfamiliar to her and Natasha didn’t like what she didn’t know. What she couldn’t control.

“It’s okay.” Steve whispered, almost as if he could read her mind.

Natasha looked up at him and Steve cupped her cheek, letting his thumb run over her lower lip as he stared into his eyes. Natasha hesitated a little more but she couldn’t keep away from this. No matter how much it scared her to the bones. Children still want to go on that rollercoaster even though it seems terrifying.

Steve kissed Natasha once again, relieved as Natasha started kissing him back again. Her tongue twisted with his, as they closed the door after kissing into Natasha’s apartment. Steve’s hands slowly found Natasha’s coat, dragging it off as he had done so many times by now. Natasha’s hand travelled from Steve’s neck to his cheeks again, kissing him a little harder and quicker only to feel Steve slow down the pace again. Once they had reached Natasha’s bedroom, both of them we’re still dressed. Steve smiled a bit as they stood close to each other in silence without kissing. Steve’s hands travelled onto Natasha’s waist, feeling her curves underneath that dress. Steve raised his look, meeting Natasha’s eyes. Her face was filled with emotions he had not yet seen in the spy. Her face that usually showed off a feeling of coldness or rather no expression at all now showed a storm of different emotions. It was as if her mind was naked. She didn’t hide anything away from him. What she felt, she showed him and Steve knew that that was something extremely special and uncommon. Natasha looked into Steve’s blue eyes, feeling herself take a deeper breath as they stood so close in silence.

“Let’s get lost.” She suddenly whispered only to receive Steve’s lips against her own again as an answer.

Steve’s lips eventually found Natasha’s neck as Natasha tugged lightly at his shirt and Steve dragged it off. Natasha’s cold hands travelled slowly over Steve’s chest, making him shiver a little before he kissed her again and slowly dragging down the zipper of her dress. His hands went under the soft fabric of her dress, letting them move over her back as he pressed her closer to his chest. He dragged the dress off her shoulders as well, kissing down her neck and over her shoulders. Natasha closed her eyes after getting her arms out of the dress before wrapping them around his neck. Steve carried her up a little, making the dress drop to the floor as quietly as a feather. Steve let out a sigh as he could feel her soft skin under his fingertips. Natasha’s hands travelled down his chest again all the way down to Steve’s jeans. Steve couldn’t help but tense a bit at her touch and he got out of those jeans pretty quickly. His hands then went around Natasha again, pinning her beneath him on the bed while kissing her a little harder, making a few moans escape Natasha’s lips into his mouth. Steve’s lips soon travelled down Natasha’s body. Starting with her neck then to her collarbones as his hand gently took off her lacy bra. His lips travelled onto her chest. He kissed her teasingly over the nipples before he kept kissing her skin down to her stomach. Natasha closed her eyes, high at the feeling. She let out a few small gasps now and then as Steve suddenly sucked on her skin, leaving a wet mark that made the spot cold. Steve’s hands grabbed Natasha’s stockings, slowly dragging them off as he kissed down her thighs and onto her knees. Natasha started to get a little frustrated. This confused her. She wasn’t used with going slow. She wasn’t used to be seen. To have someone actually watching every part of her as if she was more than just a good looking woman. She _loved_ it. She secretly loved feeling Steve’s soft kisses and his big hands all over her body. She loved how he took his time, making her feel as much pleasure as possible. Maybe even too much. She loved it too much. A warning signal popped up in Natasha’s mind but disappeared just as quickly as Steve’s lips were pressing against her own again, and just like that, he was the only thing on her mind. Natasha kissed him back deeper, feeling their breaths get quicker and their bodies warmer. As Steve slid his member into Natasha’s wetness and began thrusting, it was as if they were one. Neither of them could see that what they were doing was still wrong since it felt so right.

Steve had woken up in the middle of the night and went out to the kitchen to drink a glass of water. An old habit that had followed him during the years of restless nights. He tiptoed out from the bedroom, careful to not wake up the woman next to him in the bed. As he came back into the bedroom, she was the first thing he saw. As always. If he entered any room and Natasha was there, his eyes would be on her. He stared at Natasha for a moment, hoping it wouldn’t wake her up. She looked so beautiful. Her naked body a bit hidden underneath the covers, her red hair spread out over the white pillow and her hand was laying on Steve’s side of the bed as if she was waiting for him to take it in his. To lace their fingers together and then embrace her. Steve desperately wanted to wake her up, so that he could tell her how beautiful she was and how much he treasured this moment. Just a man, admiring a beautiful woman in the dead of the night with only the light from the moon slipping in through the windows of Natasha’s bedroom. Steve didn’t wake her up though. He knew she would probably have a difficult time falling back asleep. Instead, he slowly got into the bed again, placing his hand in Natasha’s only to feel her lace their fingers together and grab it tightly in her sleep. Steve smiled and the redhead rolled over closer to his body, enjoying the warmth from his body as her own always was unusually cold. Steve gently touched her cheek before placing a kiss on top of her head, burying his face in her hair only to hint the smell of her shampoo. His breaths became slower and he was soon deep asleep with Natasha’s hands tugging onto his body, afraid to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! I've been a bit busy. I hope you liked it tho! :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of any characters used.

_I feel like I'm just missing_

_Something whenever you leave_

_We've got all the ingredients_

_Except you loving me_

 

Steve stood outside Nick Fury’s office, discussing a previous mission with Fury as the sound of high heels were coming from further down the corridor. Both Steve and Fury turned their heads to look only to see Natasha approach them both, carrying a few files in her hands. She gave Steve a nod before turning to Fury.

“Some files with the information regarding that mission we spoke about earlier.”

Natasha handed Nick the files.

“Good.” Nick said.

Steve stared at Natasha. She didn’t even look his way.

“Would that be all, agent Romanoff?” Nick asked, earning a nod from Natasha before he disappeared into his office.

Natasha immediately turned to Steve.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

Her voice was serious,

“How can I not after last night?”

Steve grinned and Natasha shook her head, looking down at the ground.

“May I remind you we’re at work and that your girlfriend is too? It’s not like you got home to her yesterday.”

Steve nodded, understanding her point.

“Speaking of the devil..”

Sharon walked past them in the corridor and stopped as soon as she saw Steve.

“There you are!” Sharon burst out, luckily not sounding mad.

“I was worried when I didn’t hear from you all night. But I assume there was a lot of work?”

Sharon looked at Steve a bit proudly before turning her eyes to Natasha.

“Agent Romanoff.”

She gave Natasha a small smile and a nod. Natasha returned the favour.

“Yeah, it’s been a busy night. The mission lasted longer than expected.” Steve said.

Sharon smiled.

“That’s alright.”

She grabbed Steve’s hand. Natasha bit her teeth together as she stared down at their fingers laced together. Only a few hours ago, she had woken up holding that hand tightly in her own.

“I have some business to attend.” Natasha said, giving both of them a nod before walking down the corridor.

Sharon could then embrace Steve even more in a tighter hug.

“Maybe you can make it up to me tonight?” She whispered in his ear as Steve brought her a little closer, kissing her neck before raising his look a bit, glancing at Natasha as she walked through the corridor.

Natasha suddenly looked over her shoulder, accidentally meeting Steve’s eyes as he embraced Sharon so tightly. In those few seconds that Natasha’s eyes met his, he could already see something different. Her expression. What he had seen last night was washed away from her face. Her feelings was again hidden, deep down. Natasha disappeared around the corner and Steve focused on Sharon again.

“Yes, of course.” He said, feeling how Sharon smiled into his shoulder.

Later that night Natasha sat in her couch, changing tv channels every other second. She tried focusing on anything else but her own thoughts, but nothing worked. They still slipped through her mind. The way Steve had held Sharon’s hand. She knew exactly how it felt. How good it felt to lace her own fingers together with Steve’s. Or Steve kissing Sharon’s neck. Natasha knew exactly how those soft lips felt against her own skin. Natasha knew how calming and safe Steve’s embrace felt, as if nothing else mattered. How his kisses washed her thoughts away. A kiss from him is what she would have needed right now, to make the thoughts disappear. The thoughts of Steve’s hands touching Sharon’s soft skin. His lips travelling over her body. His expression as he looked at Sharon. Natasha needed these thoughts to desperately go away. She knew she was being unfair. She had no right to even think like this. She was the other woman after all. She was the one making the mistake, along with Steve. Sharon was innocent in this. Still, it didn’t feel like a mistake to Natasha which is what confused her. Natasha sighed deeply, dragging a hand through her hair before turning off the tv. She decided to take a walk in the cold night air. Maybe it would put her mind on something else for a while even though she knew that was very unlikely.

Steve was laying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Sharon slept peacefully beside him. He glanced over at her, smiling a little. He really did love this woman, which is why he had stayed with her for so many years. After everything that happened with Peggy, he thought he’d never love anyone else again. Then, Sharon came along and he realised that maybe there’s more than just one true love for everyone in this world. And now oddly, when he had spent so many years being happy with Sharon, Natasha stepped into his life. Well, she had been in his life for several years but only now, it became different. Before Steve even met Sharon, he had had his eyes on that redhead. There was something about her that had driven him extremely curious and interested. She was a mystery that he wanted to solve. Now he wondered, what would have happened if he and Natasha had gotten together in the beginning? Would he even have been with Sharon for these years? Would he even have glanced her way? Back then however, Steve was absolutely certain he wouldn’t ever have the chance to be with someone like _Natasha_. He still doubted that actually. He had no idea exactly how Natasha felt for him. She wasn’t one for opening up easily but he guessed he was the same way in the current situation. He loved being with Natasha and he didn’t mean just while having sex. He always became happier when she was around. She was his best friend. No one understood him as well as she did. Not even Sharon. Then again, was Steve more than just a friend to Natasha? Would she ever want something more than sex? That he didn’t know. They were close friends, but Steve doubted Natasha would feel something more than that for him. Or did she? Steve sighed loudly, a bit too loud. Sharon moved a little in her sleep and Steve licked his dry lips. The fact that he was even wondering over the fact if his best friend would ever _love_ him as more than a friend while lying next to his girlfriend was pretty much insane. Steve slowly got out of bed and put on some pants and a shirt. He simply couldn’t sleep with all of these thoughts haunting his mind.

Steve decided to go for a walk, which he usually did as his thoughts messed up his head. Though the cold night air didn’t clear his mind but instead reminded him of something. The last time he had left Sharon home while taking a late night walk was the night he bumped into Natasha at that bar. Where it all had begun. Or maybe that was a lie. They may have kissed in that bar, but the reason to why he wanted to kiss her started years ago. That mystery that entered his mind back then. The longing for something more. It was things like this that made him question if everything actually did happen for a reason or not. 

Steve looked down at his feet while walking with his hands deeply buried in his pockets to shield them from the cold.

“Steve?”

Steve look up startled.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Steve was surprised to see Natasha sitting on a park bench a meter away with a Starbucks cup in her hands.

“I was taking a walk.” Steve said as he walked up to her.

Natasha frowned.

“Me too.”

Steve raised his eyebrows a bit, inhaling some cold air. Neither of them was that surprised over them bumping into each other everywhere. It happens so often that they don’t even question it anymore.

“May I?” He asked, gesturing towards the empty place next to her on the bench.

Natasha nodded and Steve sat down. Natasha glanced over at Steve a little, seeing something was troubling his mind as well but she didn’t dare to ask.

“Tea?”

Steve smiled a bit, taking a sip out of her cup before handing it back to her.

They sat quiet for a while, just staring out over the small park. The wind caught the leaves in the trees, making them fall slowly down to the ground. Natasha put down the cup next to her, dragging her coat a little tighter around her body.

“What are we doing, Steve?”

Natasha's eyes were focusing on the leaves falling down from the trees. Steve sighed a little, shaking his head.

“I don’t know.” He admitted, looking at Natasha.

She took another sip of her tea before she placed her head on Steve’s shoulder. Steve wrapped his arm around her and they sat like that in complete silence for a good while.

It was something unexplainable about that moment. Something too beautiful and too pure for anyone else to understand. Something beautiful in the ugly act that they were doing. Something that made those two broken people feel whole as they sat so close. For the first time that night, both of their thoughts disappeared and everything felt peaceful for a while.

After at least an hour, Natasha took her head off Steve’s shoulder and stood up. Steve did the same. Natasha looked into Steve’s blue eyes for a while as fear entered her entire body. Though she still managed to keep calm.

“You should go home.” Natasha said, avoiding adding the “to Sharon” part.

Steve nodded. Natasha gave him a soft kiss before turning around immediately, not giving him a last look. She knew that if she did, she wouldn’t be able to walk away from him. With every step she took, she felt her legs slowly failing her. The fear spread from her heart out to every part of her body. It had been long since she had been this scared. She wasn’t scared of much but this scared her to the bones. She was hopelessly falling for Steve. She was falling hard and it hurt. A lot.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of any characters used.

_You seem to replace_

_Your brain with your heart_

_You take things so hard_

_And then you fall apart_

 

Natasha knew that what they were doing was wrong. She knew that very well. Having an affair is never okay. She had never meant for any of this to go this far. She hadn’t meant for any of this to happen at all. It was a new experience for her. Love. It was something she had spent her life avoiding and managing to live without and now, when she let it get a hold of her, she simply couldn’t escape it any longer. She was desperate and terrified. Desperate to feel loved again and terrified not to. During her life, she had convinced herself that she didn’t need anyone else to make her happy. Not a boyfriend, friend or a family. She had tried convincing herself that she could be happy, _alone_. That it was all up to her. Though she now realised, she had been wrong. The first time Natasha had felt truly happy was when Steve was by her side and she hated him for it. For giving her a reason to hold on to him even harder. He was the source of her happiness. The only thing that could take away her loneliness and ease her pain.

After that night she bumped into Steve in the park, she had been thinking deeply about their situation all night long. She had fought so hard for so many years to become a better person. To finally, bring something good into this world. Sleeping with someone’s boyfriend wasn’t a good beginning. She was done hurting people. The only one she could allow herself to hurt was herself, mainly because she felt like she deserved it. Therefore, she had come to the conclusion that night to talk to Steve. To tell him that he’d have to choose. Her or Sharon.

The next day, Natasha hurried to work with a mission to tell Steve she needed to talk to him. To make him choose. They couldn’t do this anymore. He needed to break up with Sharon. Natasha was just about to step out of her car as her eye landed on a pretty blonde. Steve opened the car door for Sharon and embraced her a little as Sharon gave him a kiss that Steve happily returned. Sharon said something, probably a joke since Steve laughed a little, before smiling as he glanced at Sharon. He looked _happy_.

It was at that moment that Natasha realised, she couldn’t make Steve choose. Simply because he wouldn’t choose her. He would choose Sharon. His girlfriend who he had been with for many years now. She couldn’t even believe she hadn’t even thought about that. It hadn’t even crossed her mind. Natasha loved him. She had finally admitted that to herself. She loved him like she hadn’t loved anyone else and like she never would love anyone else. But just because she loved him doesn’t mean he feels the same way. He won’t choose her. Was he not who she had thought he was? Was he, her best friend, playing her all this time? She almost laughed at how stupid she was. Everyone who had ever claimed to love her in some way had proved her wrong. Everyone had played her. _Hurt_ her. Was Steve any different?

Yes. She deeply believed he was. Natasha felt torn into a million pieces. Extremely confused about what her next move should be. If she make Steve choose, there’s a big chance he won’t choose her. And if she don’t make him choose, she continues this ugly act that they’re doing. Somewhere deep down, Natasha was filled with hope that maybe, Steve loved her too. It felt like it. All those kisses, his gentle touch and his sweet words. It felt too real to not be love. Then again, maybe she was the only one feeling it? Maybe it meant nothing to him. She didn’t dare to ask. She couldn’t make him choose. She was being selfish. Putting her own happiness in front of Sharon’s. Maybe even in front of Steve’s. But she wasn’t ready. Not yet. She didn’t want to feel that loneliness again. Not when she had tasted how it felt to be loved.

A few nights later, Steve and Natasha were having a movie marathon at Natasha’s place. Sharon was working late again so Steve had knocked on Natasha’s door and brought some movies and Chinese food. Natasha had cursed over and over in her head as she saw Steve outside her door, giving her that boyish smile of his. She simply couldn’t help but smile as she looked at him.

“If you’re not too busy, I brought some movies..” Steve began, stopping to smile.

“You look beautiful.” He said.

Natasha sighed as she looked at him.

“Don’t be so cheesy.”

Steve chuckled.

“I was just being honest.”

Natasha bit her lower lip a bit.

“So, will you let me in?”

Natasha stood quiet for a few seconds, as if she was thinking it over even though she had made the decision to let him come in as soon as she saw his face. She opened the door a little more and Steve smiled, giving her a quick kiss on her forehead as he walked past her into the apartment. Natasha’s stomach started to tickle and she wanted to hit herself for finally being able to relate to the “butterflies in your stomach” thing.

Steve and Natasha ended up having a perfect night. Everything somehow seemed to be perfect when they were together. Steve and Natasha was halfway through their second movie when Steve dragged Natasha closer. Natasha curiously remembered every move he made as if she could detect what he meant by it. He wrapped his arm tighter around her shoulders, bringing her body closer to his. Natasha looked up at his face and Steve looked back at her. It was strange, not knowing where the other one stood in the relationship. To not being able to trust the others feelings. All either of them could trust was what was happening right there and then. Steve slowly leaned down, giving Natasha a soft kiss that she drowned into. She kissed him back before burying her face in Steve’s chest, breathing in his scent as he dragged her even closer.

Steve woke up a while later, realising both of them had fallen asleep. He was lying next to Natasha on her couch with his arms around her. Natasha still had her face buried in his chest and Steve smiled as she mumbled small words in both Russian and English in her sleep. She mumbled them too quietly for him to hear what she was saying but he couldn’t help but adore her cuteness. Steve glanced at the clock on the wall, realising Sharon got off work in about 30 minutes so he needed to get going. He slowly let go of Natasha and tried to get off the couch as quietly as possible so he wouldn’t wake her. As he did, a frown appeared on Natasha’s face and Steve put a blanket over her body as a way to make up from the warmth from his chest. The frown disappeared a little and Natasha’s hand grabbed the blanket. Steve smiled as he watched her.

“I have to go. I’m sorry.”

He gently stroke her cheek and placed a kiss on her forehead.

Steve grabbed his jacket and left her apartment. As soon as the front door shut close, Natasha opened her eyes, staring at the door. She sighed deeply as an extreme sadness washed over her. She couldn’t do this. Watching him leave over and over. She’d rather take the chance. The chance of him never leaving her again or the chance of him leaving her forever. She had to stop following her heart for a while. She needed to listen to her mind. It is time for Steve to choose. Even if that means him leaving her for Sharon. At least then, she’d know. She’d rather hear the painful truth than to keep living in this lie. Natasha wiped away a tear that rolled down her cheek and took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry too.” She whispered.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of any characters used.
> 
> I AM SO SORRY for not updating in like forever. I've been so busy and tired of things but I will definately do better than this. I hope you'll like this chapter though. Take care. xoxo

_I wanna make you mine, but that's hard to say_

_Is this coming off in a cheesy way?_

 

Natasha had been planning to talk with Steve all week but as soon as she was about to bring up the fact that they could no longer do this, that he needed to choose between her and Sharon, she couldn’t dare to say anything about it. It scared her to the bones but she knew that she’d have to bring it up at some point. She just wasn’t sure when it would be the best time. Luckily, Tony Stark was hosting one of his many parties this Friday which Steve was attending. So Natasha simply figured that would be the right time to talk to him. Especially since she might have some time to pour some alcohol into her body that would make the nervous side of her less nervous before she brought it up with him. She had to tell him at this party. She was sick of herself just going along with this, even if she loved spending so much time with Steve. Natasha was simply hurt by the fact that Steve apparently didn’t like her enough to break up with Sharon. At least, so she thought.

Steve liked Natasha more than he could even explain. He couldn’t really put words on his feelings for her, but one thing was for sure, his feelings for her were deep. Steve had been thinking of his and Natasha’s relationship for a good while now. She was probably a bit confused and so would he be if he were in her shoes. Some days, before quitting work for the day, all he could imagine was coming home only to see Natasha sitting on the couch, reading one of her many books. Steve wasn’t a man who liked having a _mistress_ and he hadn’t even thought about it that way until recently when he realised that’s probably how the rest of the world would see it. Natasha meant so much to him, but so did Sharon. Steve felt like hitting himself hard in the head. How could he even manage to fall in with two people? Because that is what he is, right? The thing that really got to him though was that Natasha was more on his mind than Sharon. Much more. He couldn’t get Natasha out of his head and now that he thought about it, she had been in there for quite a while. He just hadn’t realised he thought of her as much as he actually did. It was as if she had him under some sort of spell.

“Steve.”

Steve looked up at the sound of his girlfriend’s voice. Sharon gave him a smile before checking her hair in the mirror.

“You were deep in thought, _again_.”

“Oh, sorry. I was just thinking..”

“You better go get changed. We’re supposed to leave in ten minutes!” She said, a bit stressed.

Steve got dressed in no time, though parties like the one they were supposed to attend now wasn’t anything exciting to him. Tony Stark’s parties could be described as “way too much”. Way too much alcohol. Way too much drunk people. Way too much headache for the people who couldn’t get drunk. Still, he had a feeling Natasha would be there so maybe he’d get a chance to see her at least. She always made the boring parties more fun with her colourful personality.

“Are you ready to go?” Sharon asked as she stood by the door.

Steve nodded, grabbing his coat before following Sharon outside to his car.

 

As Steve and Sharon got to Tony’s place, everything Steve had imagined was pretty much right on point. Loud music, lots of people; some already drunk and of course, Tony Stark himself. He sat in a sofa further away, discussing something with a few girls. He was clearly not sober, but not drunk _yet_.

“Steve, I’m just gonna say hello to a few friends.” Sharon said, looking over at a group of people.

“Oh alright.”

Sharon left Steve’s side and he awkwardly paced towards the bar to get a drink, pretending like he belonged in this crowd. The bartender handed him a beer and Steve took a sip before looking out over the big crowd, trying to recognise some faces.

“You look confused.”

Steve smiled brightly, turning his head to the right only to see a beautiful redhead standing right beside him, also glancing out over the crowd.

“I see you’re looking for a familiar face.” Natasha added.

“I think I just found one.”

Natasha smiled a little at that before looking at him. She knew that was a dangerous move; looking into those blue eyes.

“How’s your night?” Steve asked.

“I believe it has just begun.”

Natasha turned her head again, taking a sip of her drink.

“So, where’s your girlfriend, Rogers?”

Steve tensed a little. _Sensitive subject_. He cleared his throat a bit, tapping the bottle of beer in his hand with a few fingers.

“She’s over there, talking to some friends.”

Natasha glanced over at Sharon, nodding a little. An awkward silence suddenly washed over the two of them. It had never happened before so neither of them knew how to actually handle the situation.

“You look beautiful tonight.” Steve said, breaking the silence.

Natasha sighed deeply, turning to look at him again. If she was going to say something to him, she better do it now.

“Steve, we really need to talk about how we’re..”

“Natasha, how nice to see you here!”

Natasha turned around surprised, putting a smile on her lips.

“It’s nice to see you too, Sharon.”

Sharon returned the smile before walking closer to Steve, putting an arm around his waist.

“And it’s always nice seeing _my man_ looking so handsome and all.” Sharon added as she looked up at Steve’s face. She suddenly put her hand around Steve’s neck and gave him a kiss.

Natasha’s eyes widened a bit at the sight and eventually turned her head away from them as the kiss was longer than expected at a public place. As Sharon let go of Steve, his cheeks were red and his eyes confused.

Natasha felt her whole body go tense. She gave Steve and Sharon another smile that probably looked less cold than she intended it to be as she walked across the room. Mostly to get away from the two of them but also to try and handle the jealousy that ran through every vein in her body. Because it did. Seeing Steve and Sharon kiss like that, right in front of her, made her want to throw up. Her stomach hurt and her thoughts flew around her mind like a thunderstorm. She knew it wasn’t right, but she wanted to make Steve feel the same way. How could he treat her like this? Nobody was allowed to treat her like this. Still, she knew he hadn’t intended for all of this to happen. He just wanted to be a loyal boyfriend, but guess what, he wasn’t. Not to Sharon and not to her. Natasha knew she’d had to end this once and for all. She needed his attention and she needed it quick. Luckily, she knew exactly what to do.

 

“Steve, have you met my friend Peter?” Sharon said as a man turned to Steve with a kind smile, stretching out a hand. Steve shook it politely.

“Nice to meet you.” Peter said.

“You too.”

“Peter works at..” Sharon began only to be interrupted by the sound of a bottle falling to the floor as pieces of glass spread out around Steve’s feet.

“Steve!” Sharon burst out.

Steve barley heard her. He was too focused on what he saw on the other side of the room. He almost felt like rubbing his eyes or pinch himself in the arm just to be sure he actually didn’t dream or hallucinate. Natasha was pressed up against a wall as a tall brown haired man kissed her, _deeply_. His hand cupped her cheek as the other one travelled down her waist. Natasha embraced him too with her hand around his neck, pressing him a bit closer. Steve swallowed hard and bit his teeth together. He felt blood rush up to his head and his cheeks got warm. Not because of embarrassment, but because of anger.

“It slipped. I’m gonna go get myself cleaned up..” Steve said, his eyes still on Natasha who started dragging the guy, with his tongue down her throat, out of the room. Steve hurried after them.

“Get the fuck away from her!” Steve burst out, grabbing the man by the arms, pushing him away from Natasha quite hard. The man frowned deeply.

“What the hell are you doing?” The man burst out, walking angrily towards Steve.

“I said, get the fuck away from my girlfriend.”

“She’s not your girlfriend, man! What the hell is wrong with you?”

The guy gave Natasha a glance before shrugging, walking away, leaving Natasha and Steve alone in the hallway. Steve’s eyes followed the man until he disappeared out of sight and he then turned to Natasha. She was leaning her back against the wall, glancing at him in an uncaring and uninterested way. Steve walked up to her, pressing her against the wall.

“Why would you do that?”

Steve held a tight grip around her arms and Natasha frowned deeply at his question.

“Why would I do that? _You_ are the one kissing Sharon in front of me, jerk!”

Steve got quiet at that as he stared into her eyes.

“I’m sick of this, Steve! Who do you think you are, huh?!.”

“Sick of what?”

“You really have to ask? I’m sick of being your second choice. It must feel really good right? Having two women to fuck?”

“It’s not like that and you know that!”

Natasha glared at him.

“Do I? Do I know that? Because from where I’m standing, I don’t mean shit to you.”

Steve shook his head before pressing his lips to hers, only to have Natasha push him away hard.

“Stop the crap, Steve!”

“Tell me then Natasha. What do you want?” Steve burst out, his mind confused.

“It’s as obvious as it can be. _I want you_ , dammit.”

Steve put his hands on his hips and Natasha rolled her eyes, sinking down to the floor. Steve looked down at her as she sat with her back against the wall, leaning her head back as she stared out in the air.

“You really want to be with me?” Steve asked, with a softer voice, when a few seconds had passed. Natasha sighed.

“Does it look like I’m making this up?”

Steve looked at her, feeling ashamed of himself for making her feel like this. He gently walked over to her and sat down right next to her on the floor.

“I’m sorry, Natasha.”

“If you love Sharon, you should be with her. I’m not going stand between you two anymore.” Natasha said tiredly, almost as if the words came out combined with a long sigh.

“I love you.”

 Natasha’s eyes widened and she turned her head to meet Steve’s gaze. His blue eyes stared right into her green ones.

“What?”

“I love you, Natasha.”

Natasha gave him a sad smile, shaking her head a little.

“No you don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t be with Sharon. You wouldn’t _hurt_ me like this.”

Steve felt a knife through his heart as he heard those words. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. Still, that’s all he did.

“I’ll break up with her. I should have done it weeks ago. I knew even then.”

Natasha looked away from him, rolling her eyes.

“Don’t do something you’ll regret later, Steve.”

Steve’s hand found her cheek, gently turning her head to make her look at him.

“I regret putting you through all of this, but I won’t ever regret loving you.”

Natasha just looked at him, not sure of what to say. Steve suddenly stood up and Natasha frowned.

“Where are you going?” She asked, standing up herself.

“I’m breaking up with Sharon.”

“You’ll break her heart too. You know that right?”

Steve stopped walking at that.

“I’ve hurt both of you. She deserve someone better than me.”

Steve smiled sadly at his own words.

“So do you, Nat.”

Natasha sighed tiredly, walking up to him.

“This is not about what anyone deserve or not. This is about what you want.” Natasha said, her voice soft.

“I want you.”

“Then act like it.”

“I really am sorry, Natasha. I didn’t want to hurt..”

“I know.”

They both went quiet for a little while, just looking at each other. Natasha sighed a little, licking her lips as she looked down at the ground, gathering some courage. 

“I love you too, you know?”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of any characters used.
> 
> I'M SO SORRY. I obviously suck at updating but believe me when I say that I've been very busy with handling my own troubles in life rather than Steve’s and Natasha’s. I will definitely update more often though. And I know that this is shorter than usual but bare with me. Thanks for reading to you who still do, hahaha. Enjoy. :)

_Should've never said the word "love"_

_Threw a toaster in the bathtub_

_I'm sick of all the games I have to play_

They both went quiet for a little while, just looking at each other. Natasha sighed a little, licking her lips as she looked down at the ground, gathering some courage.

“I love you too, you know?”

Steve couldn’t stop the smile that grew on his lips as Natasha spoke those words. Those words he hadn’t been sure was true. Those words he had longed to hear for so long. She loved him too. Steve’s entire heart filled with joy and he knew now more than ever what to do. It was so clear to him now that everything was out. Now that they both really knew that they had feelings for each other. Steve loved Natasha. Natasha loved Steve. Suddenly, it was all so easy.

“I’m going to fix this..” Steve said as Natasha finally looked up from the ground, meeting Steve’s smiling eyes. “I promise. It has always been you, Natasha.” He added. Natasha couldn’t help but smile at that cheesy sentence because she knew that there was nothing but honesty and love _for her_ in his words.

“I’ll talk to Sharon first thing tomorrow morning.”

“And now?” Natasha tilted her head a bit as she asked the question. Staring into those blue honest eyes of his that made her oh so dizzy. If it wasn’t for Steve’s strong arms around her waist, she might have been afraid of fainting.

“Now, we’ll do whatever you want to do.” Steve said, his eyes still smiling.

“Good.” Natasha answered, her hands slowly tracing over his chest and up around his neck. “Then let me kiss you.” She added with her lips on his before Steve could even reply.

 

Sharon sighed deeply and turned her head away from the hallway, making sure to not be seen. She couldn’t say she hadn’t suspected anything. All those late nights. Steve was many things but a good liar wasn’t one of them.

Still, anyone could take a look at him and believe whatever he said. There had always been some sort of innocence and honesty about him. Trustworthy. Well, she had obviously been wrong. And of course, he chose to cheat on her with Natasha Romanoff. Obvious choice. They had been best friends for long, worked as partners and everyone, men and women, were all well aware of the way Natasha easily attracted both sexes. Sharon felt like punching herself for being such a fool. She had been a complete idiot. She also felt like this was partly her fault. Their relationship hadn’t been all that good lately. Well, for a good few months. Maybe even years if she was completely honest with herself.

She hadn’t really been the best girlfriend either. Still, she couldn’t believe Steve of all people would do this to her. The fact that he was with Natasha Romanoff at the moment was however of little concern to Sharon. She knew she had to fix this and there was only one way to do that. With pure damaging honesty.

The next morning, Sharon sat by the kitchen table, reading the newspaper. It wasn’t very common nowadays to read the news on paper since you usually get it quicker through social media. But after living with Steve for so many years, Sharon had learned to not only like, but to love reading the newspaper with a hot cup of tea in the morning. It had always been something peaceful about it. Especially when the warm sunlight shone in through the small windows of the kitchen, giving the room some beautiful orange lightening. It gave her time to think before the day began and it made her calm. It reminded her that there was still something beautiful even in the darkest of moments. She turned page in the newspaper, letting her eyes glance over the long paragraphs as she took another sip of her tea.

“Oh, you’re awake already.”

Steve suddenly stepped into the kitchen. Sharon had been too caught up by the newspaper to even hear him come home.

“Where were you all night?” Sharon asked, already knowing the answer. The image that flew through her mind made her regret even asking immediately. Steve looked a bit surprised by the question. He clearly hadn’t come up with a lie yet. His mind was clearly on something else. Or more likely, someone else. “Never mind. I need to talk to you.” Sharon added instead and Steve nodded.

“I actually have to talk to you too.”

Steve sat down by the kitchen table next to her, putting his hands on the table as he opened his mouth to talk but Sharon was faster.

“It started about a few weeks ago..”

Steve raised his eyebrows a bit, leaning back in the chair to listen to what Sharon had to say as his fingers nervously tugged at his jeans.

“I began feeling a bit weird without a reason at work. I simply thought I’d gotten a cold or something..”

“You’re sick?” Steve asked. Sharon shook her head.

“No, no I’m fine. But then I started throwing up and it occurred more often..”

“Sharon, what.. what’s your point?” Steve asked, feeling his heart beat a little too fast in his chest.

Sharon sighed, smiling a little as she placed her right hand on her belly.

“I’m pregnant, Steve.”

Steve’s eyes widened and he couldn’t hear anything but his own heart beating so loudly in his ears. He had a hard time processing what she said. Was he dreaming? Was there a chance that this was a dream? His whole body got tense and it felt as if his stomach got filled with heavy rocks, pressing his feet down to the ground.

“You’re.. pregnant?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

Sharon nodded. She was indeed very pregnant. She had not only taken two pregnancy tests, but she had been to the doctors as well just to be 100% sure before she told Steve. And it was true, Steve’s child was growing inside of her belly.

“I know our relationship hasn’t been the best lately and we obviously have a lot to work on but maybe he or she in here could help us, you know. Maybe we’d be able to get as close as we used to be? Remember?” Sharon continued as Steve stared at her, his eyes empty and his expression confused. He was clearly in shock.

“Steve?”

“Didn’t we use protection?” He suddenly said, making Sharon frown.

“Yes but sometimes it doesn’t work, you know. But this is a good thing. Maybe this is what was meant to happen? So we wouldn’t destroy this relationship even further with unnecessary fights and arguments. Don’t you agree? Steve?”

Steve was deep in thought but quickly snapped back into reality as he saw Sharon’s expression filled with insecurity and fear. She was pregnant, with his child. He needed to take responsibility. He had no choice.

“I’m sorry I’m just in shock. We’re having a baby?” Steve said, forcing out a smile on his lips. As Sharon saw the smile, she immediately relaxed a bit.

“Yes, we are.” She smiled, embracing Steve in a soft hug.

“We’re having a baby.”

Sharon chuckled a bit into Steve’s shoulder, hugging him even tighter.

“We’re having a baby.” Steve whispered, feeling the emptiness fill him from head to toe.

It wasn’t as easy anymore. Nothing would ever be easy again. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of any characters used.

_And it's all fun and games,_

_'Til somebody falls in love._

Steve had been pacing around Natasha’s apartment house for about twenty minutes now. He couldn’t get himself together enough to face her. He felt small drops of sweat run down his forehead ant he wiped it away, taking deep breath after deep breath. For a moment, everything had almost been good. Perfect. He made a plan with Natasha before he left her this morning to go home to Sharon, break up with her and make sure she was okay before heading back to Natasha’s for a movie night.. and some fondue. Finally, the two of them could be together. For real this time. No more cheating, lies or disappointments. Just the two of them incredibly happy to finally be together. Then the bomb hit. Sharon was pregnant. Steve was about to be a father. The right thing to do was to be there for Sharon and their daughter or son. Steve knew that and that’s why what he was about to do teared him apart. Which is also why he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He loved Natasha with everything that he is, but he was about to have a child. A child who will need him and depend on him. A child who deserves to be raised in the best way possible. Something so pure and vulnerable shouldn’t have to suffer because of Steve’s choices and feelings. Steve took one last deep breath of the cold night air before walking inside the building.

“It’s open!” Natasha shouted as Steve knocked on the door. Steve’s stomach hurt at the sound of her beautiful voice with such a happy tone to it. He didn’t want to take that away. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he needed to do what was right. He opened the door and walked inside and for a few seconds he forgot everything but Natasha. She sat on the couch dressed in grey sweatpants and a white top. Her red hair fell over her shoulder as she looked at him with a bright smile that reached her eyes. She was _so happy_ to see him. Steve would have done anything to stay in that moment forever. Seeing those lips break into such a big beautiful smile and her green eyes piercing into his, showing so much love for him he barely knew how to handle it. It hit him right in the heart. Her smile faded a bit as she opened her mouth to speak but her eyes told the same story.

“How is she?”

Steve sighed at the question. Natasha didn’t even say hello. Her first priority was to make sure Sharon was alright. Steve knew Natasha wouldn’t have let him come back tonight if that wasn’t the case. Natasha needed to make all of this right, which means making sure Sharon will be okay. It was the right thing to do, and Natasha wasn’t planning on making the wrong choices anymore anytime soon.

Steve took a deep breath, biting his teeth together as he looked at Natasha. Natasha furrowed her eyebrows a bit, tilting her head to the left.

“Steve, are you okay? What happened?” She asked, getting off the couch to walk up to him. She gently placed her hands on his cheeks, kissing his lips quickly before focusing on his eyes.

“Steve, talk to me.”

Steve placed his hands over hers, taking them down from his cheeks but kept holding her hands in his.

“We need to talk.” He said and Natasha immediately got a bad feeling down her stomach.

“Alright..”

Steve brought Natasha to the couch and they sat down. Natasha didn’t take her eyes off Steve, trying to figure out what was so bad Steve was almost sweating. He dragged his hand over his face before meeting Natasha’s eyes again.

“Sharon.. She’s..”

“What, Steve?”

“Sharon is pregnant.”

Natasha raised her eyebrows in surprise before quickly frowning, trying to find the right words to say. She sighed a bit, shaking her head slightly.

“This sure complicates things.” She said.

“I don’t know what to do.” Steve said and Natasha looked at him confused.

“What do you mean? You’re just going to have to raise this baby.. I assume Sharon wants to keep it?”

“Yes, yes she does. We are. I mean..”

“Steve, you’re confusing me. Listen..” She said, taking his hand in hers again, making him look into her eyes. “This will change things obviously, but you’re going to be an amazing father. And I promise you, I will be right here with you along the way. It will be okay.”

Steve closed his eyes, letting out a small sigh at that.

“It’s just..” He began but stopped as Natasha let go of his hand a bit too quickly.

“You didn’t tell her about us.” Natasha said, her eyes wide and expression confused. “You didn’t tell Sharon..”

Steve shook his head.

“I don’t understand..” Natasha said, frowning even deeper.

“Sharon and I are having a baby. I need to be there for them. I can’t..”

“You can’t be with me?”

Steve felt the lump in his throat get bigger and felt his eyes sting a bit, ready for tears to well over.

“I just, I can’t..”

Natasha stood up at that, pacing around a bit with her hands on her hips.

“Natasha..” Steve said walking after her. Natasha quickly turned around, her cheeks a bit red and eyes watery.

“I don’t understand, Steve! You don’t love me? You don’t want to be with me?”

“I do love you Natasha.” He said, looking at her with a hopeless glance. “I love you so much and I want nothing more than to be with you.”

Natasha smiled through her tears. “Bullshit.”

Steve shook his head, feeling the need to convince her but he didn’t know how.

“If you wanted to be with me, if you _loved_ me, you’d stay with me. We can do this together!”

“Are you saying you’d want to waste hours taking care of a baby that isn’t even yours? Natasha, it doesn’t make sense. You don’t even like kids.” Steve said, trying to understand how she suddenly was so willing to help Steve raise this baby all of a sudden when she usually just turns her head whenever she sees children.

Natasha’s expression was a mix of anger, sadness and coldness. She smiled tiredly at his words, closing her eyes for a few seconds before continuing.

“I wouldn’t mind taking care of that baby every hour of every day. That baby would be a part of you and I’d love it with all of my heart. Don’t you understand that? And I’ve never said I don’t like kids, I just...” Natasha went quiet.

“I’m sorry Natasha. I really am. You know how much I wanted this to work. I want you, but I just can’t now. Sharon needs me. My child needs me. It’s the right thing to do.”

Natasha bit her teeth together, almost letting out a laugh. “Steve you’re not making sense. How is raising a baby with a woman you don’t love the right thing to do? Kids may be kids but they’re not stupid!”

Steve was quiet at that.

“Or maybe you still love her? That’s the only thing that would make sense but if that’s the case then you need to tell me that. You can’t just act like this.”

Natasha sighed, wiping a tear off her cheek that escaped her eye. Steve was quiet, looking down at the ground.

“Sharon is the mother of my child. I need to be there for her. At least for now.” He said after a while, not brave enough to meet Natasha’s eyes.

“But I love you.” Natasha said, her voice broken and weak. Steve looked at her, meeting her sad green eyes.

“I love you too.”

“It’s funny.”

“What is?”

“The older I get, the more I realise they were right.”

“Natasha, what are you talking about?”

“Love is for children.”

Steve frowned.

“Get the fuck out of here, Steve. I don’t wanna see you, ever again.” Natasha’s voice was harsh and cold, almost making Steve take a step back. The tears was gone from her eyes as if she never had cried in her entire life while Steve’s got more watery.

“I said, get out.”

“Natasha, please I don’t..”

“You’re weak, Steve. You’re such a coward. Get out.”

Steve walked towards her door, looking back at her.

“I am sorry, Natasha.”

Natasha smiled a little, but the smile wasn’t even close to reaching her eyes.

“Poor child.”

Steve closed his eyes for a second before leaving Natasha’s apartment. He wasn’t done yet. He needed to get along with Natasha. He would sort this out with her but he just needed some time to adjust to it all. He walked with heavy steps home to Sharon, but left his heart with Natasha.

Natasha waited for her front door to shut close before she sank down to the floor with her hands over her face. “They were right.” She sobbed into her palms. “They were right, they were right, they were right.” Natasha continued crying for a few minutes before her sobs turned into whispers. Words she sometimes heard in the back of her head, but always manged to push away. “You’re the Black Widow. The Black Widow don’t do love. You don’t need anyone else. Just yourself.”

 

_I'm not a piece of cake_

_For you to just discard_

_While you walk away_

_With the frosting of my heart_

 

**THREE DAYS LATER**

“Yes, Fury. When can I leave?”

“Whenever you want.”

Natasha held the phone a bit closer to her ear, getting out a suitcase from her wardrobe.

“Book the next flight.”

“So soon?” Nick asked through the phone.

“There’s nothing here for me now.” Natasha said. “And while you’re at it, hire someone to clean out my apartment. It’s just a waste of space to have all of this stuff lying around.”

“As you wish.” Fury answered.

Natasha hung up on Nick before throwing some clothes, guns and necessary items into the suitcase. She grabbed her passport and put her shades on. A small sigh escaped her red lips.

“Time to go home.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of any characters used.
> 
>  
> 
> // I bet you thought I died or something. I apologise. Here's the next chapter a few months later or something. Hehe.

_Gave you love, put my heart inside you_

_Oh what could I do?_

 

It’s been three days since Steve last spoke with Natasha when he left her at her apartment. He wondered what she had done after he left. Did she cry? How angry was she? He was absolutely terrified to confront her. He had probably never been this scared during his entire life, oddly enough. Still, even though the circumstances being what they were and even though Steve’s choices might not have been the choices he actually wanted to make, he loved Natasha. He loved her deeply. With his entire heart. Steve was just a complete mess. It’s definitely true what they say, that life never turns out the way you expect. Maybe Steve should have realised that a few years ago while waking up from that ice, but waking up every morning to this nightmare was much worse. He always imagined love being something that would always work out eventually. If it’s love, it will find a way, but he wasn’t so sure anymore.

Steve was walking down the streets with his hands in his pockets, on his way to Natasha’s apartment. Its a few blocks to walk but he wanted to clear his mind before going there. It would also give him some time to think about what he would tell her, but also enough time for him to imagine all the things that could go wrong.

Any person would tell him to follow his heart. Be with the person you love most. Be with _Natasha_. Even the thought of that as a possibility made Steve go crazy in frustration and sadness. He wanted to wake up every morning to see her fiery red hair spread out over the white pillow. He wanted to kiss her smooth skin, waking her up carefully. He wanted to see those green emerald eyes slowly flutter open to stare into his own before the most beautiful smile Steve had ever seen spread on her red lips. He wanted to hear her voice. “Good morning, soldier.” God, her voice was like music to his ears, as cheesy as it might sound. Then again, there wasn’t many things Steve loved more than catching Natasha humming and singing silently to some song on the radio. He could stand there and listen to it for hours, but unfortunately he never got the chance to do that for very long. Steve wasn’t good at sneaking up on people and it’s basically impossible to sneak up on Natasha Romanoff.

He wanted to watch movies with her cuddled up next to him, giving Steve a chance to admire her beautiful features while she paid attention to the movie before falling asleep half way through it like she so often did. Especially after a long day at work. He wanted to carry her up in his arms, holding her as tight as he always used to, afraid she might disappear. He wanted to slowly put her down on her side of the bed (left), before kissing her lips once. Natasha always woke up a little at that moment, dragging him down next to her on the bed and kissing him again with her eyes still closed. Steve would embrace her as she’d press herself close to him and they’d fall asleep to the sound of each other’s slow breaths.

Deep down, he had always known exactly what he wanted. _Who_ he wanted. Steve has been in complete shock three days ago when he found out about the pregnancy. He had acted on impulse, doing what he thought was right. But he had realised that lately, he had made no right decisions at all. He should have ended things with Sharon before even kissing Natasha that night at the bar. He should have broken up with Sharon years ago. Neither of them were happy in their relationship if they were completely honest with themselves.

Just a few hours earlier, Steve had taken Sharon’s hand, saying those words everyone fears to hear. “We need to talk.” Sharon looked at him before sighing deeply. “Yeah, yeah we do.” She said, nodding. Steve had done many things wrong, but he wasn’t quite alone in that. He was surprised how much easier everything became when you were ruthlessly honest with each other. Steve told Sharon about him and Natasha. She already knew. Sharon told him about Peter from work, she had cheated on Steve as well. Only once though. Steve just nodded, understanding completely and it’s not like he had any right to blame her for it. After all, what he had done was even worse. In the middle of the conversation, Sharon had burst out in tears and Steve had wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly. And for the first time since the beginning of their relationship, it felt right when he did it. He comforted her, they talked a little more and decided that they didn’t make each other happy, even though they wished that was the case. Steve was really relieved they ended things on a good term, so it wouldn’t complicate things for the _baby_. Sharon would indeed keep the baby and Steve would indeed become a father.

Steve was terrified of course. He would be a parent. He would have to give up so much for that child and always be there, no matter what. He was sacred to fail or to do something wrong. But a few words echoed in his mind as soon as he stumbled upon those thoughts. “This will change things obviously, but you’re going to be an amazing father. And I promise you, I will be right here with you along the way. It will be okay.” Natasha’s soft words made Steve calm, but his heart on the other hand was everything but calm as she entered his mind. He hoped she would mean those words now as well. Steve was well aware that he had hurt her a lot. During these months together, he had constantly brought her pain. He regretted nothing more and he was determined to spend the rest of his life making it up to her. He hoped that he would get the opportunity to do that, to be with her because now that he saw things clearer, there was nothing else he wanted.

He just wasn’t sure she wanted the same anymore. Which is also why he slowed down his steps a bit as he got closer to Natasha’s apartment. At least now, he could still live on the hope. Going inside her apartment would mean things could go two ways. She would either forgive him and they could finally be together, just like they had always wanted. Or, she wouldn’t forgive him which was very understandable. He had hurt her deeply. She had let him in, opened up to him and showed him her vulnerability and he had betrayed that. Steve knew that Natasha had every right to leave him, to say no and walk away. He just hoped with his entire heart that that wouldn’t be the case. As Steve got close enough to see Natasha’s apartment building, he wondered over what she’d choose to do. The first choice, to forgive him or the second one, to leave him. What Steve didn’t know was that she had chosen the third way. _To run._

Steve frowned deeply when he saw two men carrying Natasha’s couch to a big truck parked by the sidewalk. He ran up to them, wondering if they were actually stealing her things before he saw the SHIELD logo on the truck.

“What are you doing? That’s Agent Romanoff’s couch.” He said, very confused. The men looked at each other, before one of them turned to Steve.

“Yes, we’re aware.”

“She’s selling it?” Steve asked.

“She’s selling everything.” The other man said.

Steve just stood there, mouth half open, wondering where Natasha would live if she sold everything. Why did she sell everything she owned? That’s when it occurred to him. She was leaving. She was running. And it didn’t take long until Steve did the same. He basically flew up the stairs to Natasha’s apartment and opened the door only to be faced by a half empty apartment. Only a few furniture’s stood left lonely in there and Natasha was nowhere to be found. Steve swallowed hard, feeling fear spread through his body. Where was she going? Had she already left? When would she be back? Who knew where she was going?

Steve quickly pulled up his phone from his pocket and tried calling Natasha but got straight to voicemail. He quickly hung up and called the only person who might know _exactly_ where Natasha was. “Clint, you need to listen. Natasha has left and I don’t know where she’s going. If you know where she is then you have to tell me!” Steve almost shouted at Clint on the phone. His voice was loud and stressed. Clint was quiet, considering his options. Natasha had been very clear that he wasn’t allowed to tell anyone where she went, and _especially_ not Steve. Then again, Clint found it stupid that she was running again. Taking on a mission in Russia isn’t what she needed. So luckily, Clint decided to help Steve because as much as Steve might have hurt Natasha, he was also the only one who made her truly happy.

“She’s at the airport. Her plane to Moscow leaves in one hour.” Clint said. Steve hung up immediately and ran all the way back to his apartment before taking his Harley Davidson, driving faster than he ever had towards the airport. His thoughts were a blur and he tried to focus on the only thing that mattered; don’t let Natasha leave.

Natasha took a sip of her coffee before grabbing the cup with both of her hands, trying to get them a little warmer. She hadn’t even stepped onto the plane to Russia yet and she was already cold. It made her realise that she had definitely brought the wrong kind of clothes with her but figured she’d just have to go out and buy some warmer jackets once she would arrive. She sat close to the windows and could see some planes taking off into the air. Natasha had always loved travelling by plane. It was as close as she could get to disappearing up into those fluffy clouds where it felt like there was no consequences. She could just sit there for the hours that the flight required and stare out through the small plane window at the small ground below them. Then soon enough, all she saw was the sun shining over the clouds, giving them a beautiful yellow lightening. The only thing more soothing and comforting than that was Steve’s arms around her. _Steve._

Natasha mumbled a curse in Russian. She checked the time on her phone. It had been exactly two minutes since he last had entered her mind. She took another sip of her hot coffee, licking her lips a bit afterwards. She closed her eyes, thinking back at how it had felt. How it had felt when his lips pressed against her own. She sighed a bit, leaning her head against the wall behind her. Her eyes fluttered open as the speakers said it was time to board the plane. She realised she must have fallen asleep for a few minutes because that hour she had to wait had gone awfully fast.

She stood up, grabbed her purse and took out her passport. Disappointment suddenly fell over her. She was leaving, again. The coward’s way out. Running away. Doubt suddenly entered her entire body and she knew that if she changed her mind, she could just go home to the Barton’s and stay there for a few days. But then Steve slipped into her mind again. He chose Sharon over her. He’s the father of her child. They _belong_ together. Natasha only felt like an embarrassment by staying. A complete fool. She simply couldn’t face him again after this, and the chances of her bumping into him in Russia were very low. She wasn’t his first choice, she didn’t matter. Not that she ever had. When had she ever been someone’s first choice anyway? She found it ridiculous that she had imagined that this time would be different.

She bit her lower lip a bit, getting in line to board the plane when she suddenly heard someone run faster than the wind into the room. She turned her head, getting ready to fight if necessary. Her heart got stuck in her throat when she saw his face. “Steve.” Natasha let out in a whisper. Steve either had an incredibly good hearing or it may have been easy to spot the only red head in the room for his eyes found her immediately. But how did he know she was leaving? She didn’t tell anyone except for Fury and he never gives out informatio… Clint. Natasha made a mental note to put Clint’s head through a wall once she got back from Russia. Well, _if_ she did.

Steve literally _ran_ up to her, grabbing her hands and dragging her out of the line. A few people gave them concerned looks so Natasha followed Steve willingly to prove he wasn’t some mad man attacking her. Steve was beyond stressed at this point but managed to slow down his heavy breathing, so relived he had managed to get to her before she stepped onto the plane.

“Don’t! Don’t leave.. Natasha.. You can’t go.” He said between his breaths, not breaking their eye contact for even a second. Natasha smiled at him coldly, shaking her head.

“What gives you the right to come here and tell me what to do?” She asked with a frown and dragged her hands away from his. Steve swallowed some saliva, expecting those words exactly. He nodded.

“I know. Natasha, I’ve been a complete fool.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” She simply answered, trying to walk away but Steve grabbed her arm, making her have to face him again.

“I’m leaving, Steve. Let me go.” She said, her voice sharp and determined.

“I can’t do that. Natasha, I broke up with Sharon. We ended things on good terms.”

Natasha smiled a little in an annoyed way. “Ever heard the story about the boy who cried wolf? See, I believed you the first time Steve. How do I know you’re not running back to Sharon right after we finish this conversation? You’re just..” Natasha sighed heavily, shaking her head as she stared down at her feet. “You hurt me.”

“I know I did and I’m so sorry..”

“No, you don’t get it. When I see your face, all I’m reminded of is how you chose her _over_ me.”

Steve stood quiet, just looking into those emerald eyes that he wanted to wake up to every morning. He needed to do something, but there was nothing he could do. It was all his fault.

“You chose to be with her. You erased all the things we’ve done together like it didn’t matter. Like I didn’t matter.” Natasha swallowed hard, feeling her eyes get a little watery. “But that’s not even what hurt. What hurt was that I thought you really _loved me_. What hurts is that I love you so much still and you just..”

“I love you, Natasha.”

Natasha laughed a sad laugh, wiping away a tear that rolled down her cheek.

“I really do.” Steve said desperately, feeling his heart ache. “I want to be with you. I want to hold your hands..” He said, grabbing her by the hand. “Natasha, I want to hold you in my arms, I want to kiss your skin.” He said, putting his hand on her cheek, slowly letting his thumb stroke her cheekbone. “I want to wake up next to you every morning, I want to make you your favourite breakfast in bed. I want to comfort you when you wake up from those nightmares, I want to be there for you. I want to show you how much I really love you.” He said, inhaling deeply. “Because I really do..” He continued, feeling a few tears run down his own cheeks. “Natasha, I love you. _Please_ , don’t go. Don’t leave me.”

Natasha licked her lips, wiping away more tears from her cheeks. She almost let out a sob as she tried to let the words out. “Steve, I can’t..”

Steve stopped breathing for a few seconds before pulling Natasha closer by the waist, keeping her close. “Nat please, we can do this. Please.” He said, and as soon as Natasha’s eyes met his again he pressed his lips against hers. Natasha’s heart ached but she couldn’t help but to let the kiss last as long as possible. Steve’s hand went up in her hair and Natasha unconsciously wrapped her hand around his neck, pressing her own lips a little harder against his before she broke the kiss. Tears still rolled down her cheeks and she licked her lips while staring down at the ground again.

“I can’t.. Steve, I have to go.”

Natasha took a step away from him and Steve looked at her with wide eyes.

“Natasha, I can’t live without you.”

“Yes, you can.”

Steve shook his head, feeling the last piece of hope disappear from his body as he let the words escape his lips again.

“I love you.”

Natasha stared into his blue eyes, knowing that she’d be reminded of them in just a few minutes as she watched the blue sky high up in the air. She wanted to stay, but it hurt too much.

“Goodbye, Steve.”

Natasha walked over to the now none existing line, let them check her passport before looking back at Steve again. His eyes didn’t leave her. “I’m sorry.” She mouthed to him, looking into his eyes for the last time before turning her head away from him. She walked onto the plane, took her seat and stared out of the window as the plane left the ground. Soon enough, she was looking out over the blue sky high above the clouds, thinking of nothing but Steve’s blue eyes while tears kept rolling down her cheeks.

 

That’s when she realised she had just made the biggest mistake of her life.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of any characters used.
> 
> Attention!! This is the very last chapter.

“Excuse me? Excuse me!” Natasha shouted, trying to get the flight attendant’s attention. She succeeded after a few tries and a younger woman came towards her seat.

“Yes, ma’am?” She said, with a kind smile.

“I’m Agent Romanoff, I work for SHIELD and I need you to get me off this plane right now. It’s an emergency.”

“I apologise, miss. I’m afraid that’s impossible.”

“Didn’t you just listen to what I said? This is an emergency!” Natasha continued, frowning at the woman in front of her. This was an emergency after all. For her.

“I apologise, but we can’t..”

Natasha buckled up her seatbelt, ignoring the fact that people all around the plane were staring at her in fear of what she might do.

“Miss! Sit down!”

“I need to get off this plane.” Natasha said, her mind suddenly a blur and she felt herself start to tremble once she realised it was too late. She felt someone grab her by the arms and put her back down in her seat.

“Miss, I apologise but you need to sit down and stay calm. You can’t get off this plane just yet.” Another flight attendant said calmly.

“But.. But this is a ten hour flight.” Natasha said, staring out blankly in front of her. “I can’t wait that long.”

“I’m afraid you have to, miss. Try getting some sleep and we’ll arrive in Moscow in no time.”

Natasha swallowed some saliva, looking out through the small window again. Ten hours. She couldn’t even call him. What was he doing? She put her head against the plane’s wall a little too hard, closing her eyes. She tried to ignore the mumbling sound from the rest of the passengers as she thought of him.

 

Steve walked with heavy steps towards his front door. He had stayed at the airport for hours, sitting on the floor with his back leaned against the wall in hopes that Natasha would magically come back out of that gate. She didn’t, of course and eventually other people got themselves ready to board another plane from that very gate. He picked up his phone from his pocked to check the time but realised it was dead. He always forgot to charge that damn thing.

Steve let out a deep sigh, knowing that it was time to get out of there. He was pathetic enough already. Not that he cared much about himself anymore. He didn’t have anything left to care about. When he finally reached his front door, he searched after his keys in his pockets and eventually found them and unlocked the door. Steve opened the door and stayed right there in complete silence while looking into his empty apartment. Not a sound could be heard except for his own breaths. Sharon had taken her stuff and moved to a friend of hers for a while until she would find a place of her own, meaning Steve was left with an apartment full of his things. Maybe empty of his things would be a more correct sentence.

He dragged a hand over his face, finding it a bit hard to breathe. How would he survive this? This silence. This loneliness. How would he survive the fact that Natasha was gone? That she left. How would he survive the fact that she left because of him? Because he hurt her. He hurt her so bad she literally left her work, and her friends. Her entire life, because of him. When he felt his heart ache, he almost smiled a bit, well aware of how much he deserved to feel that pain. It’s nothing compared to the pain he has caused. He finally took a step into his apartment and closed the door after him. Still, he couldn’t move. Steve stood there. He just stood there, staring out over his apartment. He thought he’d never feel worse than that time, all those years ago, when he woke up from that ice. He had been terribly wrong. This was worse, because now he had lost everything. Again.

 

“Are you fucking kidding me!” Natasha shouted angrily in her mother tongue. “Tomorrow?”

“Yes.” The man behind the desk said, rather annoyed by Natasha’s inappropriate behaviour. “The next flight to the United States leaves tomorrow at 10 am.”

Natasha stared the man in the eye before slamming her hand in the desk. “I need to get back, NOW!”

“Miss, if you do not calm down I will have to call security.”

Natasha let out a low growl before walking away with quick and angry steps. She sat down in a free chair a bit away from everyone else, trying to control her heavy breathing. Once her breaths were somewhat normal, she picked up her phone and called Steve immediately. Her heart started to pound quicker as fast as she saw his number on the screen and she had no idea what she would say, but it didn’t matter. Especially since he didn’t answer. She cursed terribly loud in Russian, earning a few annoyed glances from people around her. She had forgotten that everyone over here actually understood what she was saying and lowered her voice a bit. She called Steve again but got straight to voicemail for the second time, but decided to leave a message. “Steve, it’s me. It’s Natasha. I shouldn’t have left.. I don’t quite know what I’m doing. Next plane home leaves tomorrow morning at 10 but I’ll be at the airport all night, so please call me.” She was quiet for a while, letting out a small sigh while shaking her head. “What a mess, huh?” She whispered and waited a few seconds before hanging up. She desperately wanted to say that she loved him but bit her lip and hung up instead. Not now. Not yet.

The crowded airport soon became emptier as the sky became darker. She sat down close to a window but regretting the decision as the glass was awfully cold. She moved to another chair across the room, putting up her feet on the chair and dragging her legs to her chest. She glanced out over everything in front of her. A women walked past her, carrying a child that was deep asleep with her arms around her mother’s neck. An elderly man bought some gum at the little store nearby and a janitor went around in the quiet waiting hall, picking up some cans and tissues.

Natasha tried to think of what she would tell him once she got back home. To say that their situation was complicated was an understatement, but she needed to make this work. That’s why she tried to make herself ready, even though that felt nearly impossible. Steve was going to become a father. Even though that hurt a little, maybe it was for the good. She tried telling herself that that was in fact something fantastic, since she can’t carry a child herself. And she knew that she would love that little child, no matter what. Nothing has changed the fact that Steve hurt her though. It was why she made the impulsive decision to leave in the first place. It was all overwhelming and hurt too much to deal with it. But once she had sat down on that plane, once she realised she was running _again_ , she knew that it has to stop.

All she have ever done in her life is to run from everything that doesn’t work out. In the beginning, it had fit her well. She didn’t need anyone but herself. Natasha had told herself that, year after year. But it’s a lie. Everyone needs someone. No one can get by on their own. Natasha had never really had that someone. No parents, no friends. No one. Apart from Clint of course, but he could never give her that kind of caring and love. He had a wife and a family that would always come before her.

She was on her own, and she left the only one that actually do love her and do care about her more than anything in this world. As much as Steve had done wrong by her and hurt her, he was also the only one who had ever been there for her. Who actually loved and accepted her for being herself. The awful things she had done.. He didn’t care. And if she was to actually compare the bad things she had done in her life to the bad things he had done in his life, then it would look pretty ridiculous that she even blamed him for so much of this. She was, after all, guilty as well. He was the first one who tried to stay in her life, and the first one who even wanted to. She couldn’t run away from that. From him. At the end of the day, she feels nothing but love for him. She loves him. No more running.

 

Steve slowly opened his eyes. He had fallen asleep on the coach, still in yesterday’s clothes. He desperately tried to get back to sleep, hoping he could avoid his own thoughts for a few more hours but his attempts were all in vain. He had slept way longer than usual, and sleeping even longer was probably impossible, unfortunately. He fumbled after his phone and remembered that it was still dead. He looked out the window, seeing nothing but a dark sky and rain patter against the glass. Steve slowly got off the couch and went into his bedroom to charge his phone. He sat down on his bed and waited for the phone to start working, so he could check the time. Steve put his elbow on his knees and buried his head in his hands. He had no idea how long it had been since he last saw Natasha at the airport, but it sure felt like forever. His phone suddenly made a few buzzing sounds and he sighed, grabbing it.

As fast as he glanced over the screen and saw her name, his heart stopped. Five missed calls, and two voicemails, all from her. He felt his heart in his throat as he slowly pressed play and listened to the first voicemail. _“Steve, it’s me. It’s Natasha.”_ Steve took a deep breath, holding his phone as close to his ear as possible to not miss a word of what she was saying. “ _I shouldn’t have left.. I don’t quite know what I’m doing.”_ Just hearing her voice again made his whole body more calm and what she was saying left him confused, but hopeful. “ _Next plane home leaves tomorrow morning at 10, but I’ll be at the airport all night, so please call me.”_ Steve’s heart began to pound even faster. She was coming back? He wasn’t sure if he was still asleep or not. He looked at the screen, seeing the voicemail wasn’t over yet so he listened quietly to her silence. _“What a mess, huh?”_ He suddenly heard her whisper, before she hung up.

Steve quickly pressed the next voicemail. He frowned deeply as the first thing he heard was a loud scream from a male. _“Watch where you’re going!”_ The male voice screamed followed by Natasha herself. _“Shut up!”_ He heard a few of Natasha’s heavy breaths before she began talking again. _“Steve, I’m sorry, it’s raining and I can’t quite see where I’m going but I’m on my way, okay?”_ Steve opened his mouth in shock. Raining? He quickly checked when the voicemail was sent. Twenty minutes ago. She’s back? She’s here? She’s on her way?

Suddenly a few loud knocks landed on his front door and Steve’s heart skipped a beat and he ran towards the door. As he opened it, he felt his entire body relax and his heart screamed. There she stood, Natasha. Her straight, red hair was wet and had become a bit curly from the rain and she had her black coat tightly wrapped around her body, protecting her from the cold air outside. He met her green eyes and she sighed deeply, just staring right back at him. Steve didn’t know what to say. He stood there, ashamed but so relieved she was here again. Natasha made the decision to talk first.

“We’re not okay.” She said, pursing her lips together a bit. “Not yet. You still hurt me, and I need to figure that out.”

“Natasha, I..”

“Steve, just be quiet.” She said, taking another breath. “You hurt me, but I love you. I do, and I shouldn’t have left. It was just too much and..”

“I am so sorry, Natasha. It’s all my fault, I know that. And I don’t deserve to have you back here but, I’m so happy you are.” Steve rambled on. “I know I’ve hurt you and I promise I’ll try to fix that and I’ll..”

Steve was soon interrupted by Natasha’s arms around his neck and he embraced her in a tight hug, holding onto her for dear life. “I’m so sorry.” He said again once Natasha broke the hug. “Steve, we’ll talk later, okay? I need _us_ right now.” Natasha said, her voice calm but eager. She brushed her lips against his, wrapping her arms around his neck again to be able to bring him closer. Natasha quickly got lost in the kiss, as well as Steve. She walked into the apartment, her lips still against his as she closed the door behind her. Steve’s hands fumbled to get off her soaking wet coat and it soon fell to the floor. Natasha’s hands found the edge of Steve’s shirt and dragged it off as quickly as she could so that their lips wouldn’t be apart for all too long. Natasha managed to get out of her dress as her hands found Steve’s belt immediately, unbuckling it. Steve kissed down Natasha’s neck and started to massage one of her breasts, earning a small moan from Natasha. It made Steve go wild and he sucked on her neck, making Natasha mumble a few Russian curses as she finally managed to drag down his pants. Steve helped out quickly before lifting her up. Natasha wrapped her legs around his waist, putting her hands on his cheeks as she kissed him deeply. Her tongue danced with his in his mouth, and Steve’s hands squeezed her ass while walking with her into the bedroom. Steve put her down on the bed but Natasha didn’t dare to let him go, so he lay on top of her immediately, kissing her with the same intense passion.

Steve managed to take off her bra and his hands travelled over her waist as he kissed down her neck and between her breasts. “Steve..” Natasha said between the heavy breaths and kisses. “I need you, now.”

Steve nodded, kissing down over her stomach, all the way down to her thighs. He wrapped his hands around her legs, spreading them apart a bit as he started pressing small kisses on the inside of her thighs. Natasha whimpered.

“Steeeeve, no teasing now!” She complained as her hands started to fumble with her panties, trying to get them off. Steve smirked but quickly dragged off her underwear, and his own. Natasha grabbed his arms, dragging him up towards her so she could face him. She put her forehead to his, staring into his blue eyes. They didn’t need to say anything. He knew. She knew. Natasha kissed him again, just as Steve pushed himself inside of her. She moaned into the kiss and Steve joined in while he savoured the taste of her lips. Natasha sighed as his hands were all over her, touching every part of her skin. Steve began thrusting into her in a good rhythm and Natasha met his every thrust, loving the feeling of him filling her up completely. She mumbled his name a few times and Steve began sucking on her neck again as their naked bodies moved against each other. All they needed was each other.

 

**A FEW HOURS LATER**

 

Natasha slowly opened her eyes. The room was dark and it took a little while for her eyes to adjust to the darkness. Once they had, she turned around slowly, glancing over at Steve. He was awake, staring up into the roof. He hadn’t noticed that she was awake yet and she smiled a little. She moved closer to him, letting her hand travel over his chest under the cover. Steve snapped out of his deep thoughts and looked over at her. When he saw her smile, he couldn’t help but relax a bit and give her a small smile back. He wrapped his arm around her, dragging her closer. Natasha put her head on his shoulder, letting her lips touch his neck. “Don’t think about it, Steve.” She whispered. “It will all be okay. We’ll be okay.” She said, feeling how Steve grabbed her arm a little tighter as a reply. They were both quiet for a while, listening to the sound of their joined breaths. “I love you, Nat.” Steve whispered. Natasha smiled a little, taking her head off his shoulder and turning over on her stomach so she could see his face. She put her hand on his cheek, looking at his lips as she let her thumb slowly travel over his lower lip. “I love you so much.” Steve said again, his eyes not leaving her. Natasha looked at him. Her eyes found his and she smiled brightly. “I love you too.”

 

_I look at you and I see myself_

_I know you better than anyone else_

_The End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to quickly say thank you so much for reading this fic, even though I SUCK at updating but life is hard so yeah, I did my best. I hope you liked this story though. Thank you! Love ya xx


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